My husband fully disclosed his love for fishing and hunting when we were dating. It was a bit of a shock, I had never known any hunters outside of the movies. I don't think I really understood what it meant. When you're dating, having a few nights off here and there to do your own thing is good, healthy even. A lot of my husband's hunts back then coincided with my visits with parents or holidays. So, I didn't notice.
Once we got married, his absence became more noticeable. And at first, I was lonely while he was off hunting with his buddies, or fishing for the weekend.
But I learned to adapt. While I was invited to come along most of the time, there were those "serious" hunts where no women were allowed. I actually started looking forward to those weekends as a chance to have "me" time. I'd rent those sappy romantic movies that my husband hated and equip myself with special ice cream or cake and some wine. As soon as I could get our son to sleep, I'd settle in for a quiet night all to myself. OK, some might see this as pathetic, but for me, it was peaceful.
I didn't realize how much I enjoyed these nights until the one night when I had just settled down to watch "Ever After" and had my bowl of strawberry cheesecake ice cream while lavender candles quietly burned. Suddenly, my husband burst into the room, extinguishing the candles and replacing the soothing lavender scent with pine and campfire smoke.
"What are you doing here?" I shrieked. "Aren't you supposed to be hunting?"
"It's pouring rain at camp," he said, a hint of disgust in his voice. (I couldn't tell if it was because of the rain that ruined the hunt or because I wasn't really ecstatic to see him.) "The hunt's ruined, and I figured I might as well come home and be with you guys."
He seemed hurt that I didn't jump up and greet him with kisses. But I was a little disappointed, something that surprised me as well. I guess I didn't realize how much I had come to enjoy my time alone. And that maybe it wasn't so bad to be a hunting widow at times, at least when I have a romantic movie and ice cream to keep me company.
Oh, that night, I shared my ice cream with my husband. And he watched the movie with me. He didn't even complain once.
Monday, March 22, 2010
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I totally relate to this story! I love hunting mornings (my husband hunts locally, so he does morning or afternoon hunts). And he did go hunting on our wedding day! It was opening day and he wanted to take his son out. (Yes, he made it to the wedding on time and showered.)
ReplyDeleteI've moved my hunting widow blog (anotherhuntingwidow.blogspot.com) over to a recipe website: http://greatvenisoncooking.com. I plan to have my first cookbook on the shelves by September 1, 2010. Horray! Come visit.
My husband didn't go hunting on our wedding day, but he did give me a list of dates that the wedding couldn't be anywhere near. August through January was out because of hunting season. There was a turkey hunt in the spring sometime. April was the only month really available -- in Florida, the summers are just too hot.
ReplyDeleteBut I really was the one who let my obsession interfere with wedding planning. I rescheduled our mandatory marital counseling session in January after managing to get Buccaneer playoff tickets that year. I even left my then-fiance at home and went with my dad instead.
I'm not married to my hunter/fisherman, but I always figured that if we ever did, it would have to be in March because in Wisconsin that's the only month that there isn't some hunting or fishing season. We've been together 9 years but were married previously and are now empty nesters. I too, can relate to appreciating that time alone. He often invites me along, but I usually decline. No patience for sitting in a tree stand or holding a pole waiting for a fish to bite. I do, however, support his hobby, by cooking and eating his wild game. Isn't that fun? I use his absences to spend time with my four adult children and my grandchildren. When he's around, I don't get to do that as much. I also get to watch TV and movies that he doesn't like or sew or shop and many other numerous activities that he doesn't appreciate. I think it's to healthy to have hobbies that are not necessarily in common. We do some things together, like ride the motorcycle and go 4-wheeling, gardening, making firewood for the wood stove. But you definitely have to have that "me" time.
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