Survival guide for the hunting or fishing widow, and how to deal with your husband's obsession

Welcome fellow widows of hunters, fisherman and other outdoor enthusiasts.

Feel free to post your own comments, tips, advice and stories!

Wednesday, February 16, 2011

Love your hunter or fisherman -- and don't give ultimatums

I was driving home the other night and heard "I'm going to miss her" on the radio. I can't remember who sings it, but basically it's about a guy who loves to fish. His wife tells him if he goes fishing again, she will leave him. Hence, the name of the song. The chorus is basically an "Oh well, she's gone" sentiment -- "I'm going to miss her. Oh, lookee here, another bite."

I find the song really sad.
First, I don't think I would ever give my avid fisherman and hunter an ultimatum about something they love doing. As much as I complain about him going fishing every weekend he's not out hunting, I know he really enjoys it. And, I can't see myself telling him not to do something he loves that much. Besides, it sometimes lets me have some alone time.

Second, I'm afraid I would become the wife in the song. I know my husband loves me. But, I think part of me is afraid that if I hit him on a bad night, he would go off fishing just to spite me. And I think it would be utterly humiliating to have to tell my friends and family that I told my husband to choose me or fishing and he chose to go fishing. Serious blow to the self-esteem!

Third, I don't think giving an ultimatum is quite fair in this case. My husband lives and breathes hunting and fishing most of the time. Telling him to not go fishing is like telling him not to breathe. Besides, my rule of thumb is that if my husband had the vice before we got married, then I can't nag him about it. He provided full disclosure of his hobby well before the wedding. I knew it and I chose to accept him -- hunting and fishing and all. If my husband significantly increased the time he went hunting and fishing, I might have to re-evaluate. But, if anything, he goes out less. So, I keep my mouth shut. Well, most of the time, anyway.

2 comments:

  1. I understand completely. My bf is OBSESSED with fishing, but I know that I could never give him an ultimatum, partly because fishing makes him so happy, and partly because I'm scared of his answer!!
    So instead I started a fb page for all of us Fishing Widows (http://www.facebook.com/FishingWidows) to try and create a support system haha! I'm still in the early, finding members stage, and would love it if you joined!

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    Replies
    1. Hi!
      Sorry, just started rechecking my comments after a long absence. I'll check out the FB page -- we Fishing Widows MUST stick together. And no, I could never give my husband an ultimatum. It's not fair and well, like you, I'm afraid of his answer as well. LOL!

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